Wednesday 10th May 2017

The World Wide Web is a wild wild world, especially when it comes to pregnancy: tips for surviving morning sickness; what to expect when you’re expecting; superfood for super mums-to-be, follow the evolution of the embryo.

I learn that mine is no bigger than a 2.3 mm tadpole. In the coming weeks it will grow to the size of a kidney bean and for some reason Paul and I will soon refer to it as Bean.

I read countless comments from happy mums-to-be and for an hour or two I feel part of the club, genuinely excited about the tadpole growing inside me. Its heart and brain are beginning to form, so is the umbilical cord that connects it to my blood supply. I am able to create life. I feel strength in my flesh and I smile.

Later I will research abortion but not right now.

Not now.