Thursday 8th June 2017

Léon, 52 cm, 3.2 kg.

I am empty, empty, empty, and my sister has just had her baby, baby, baby.

I want to feel joy and celebrate the new-born baby. I want to feel happy so bad it hurts. I am feeling monstrously sad and jealous.

Today, in all ugliness, I understand what grief is.

One day I will meet you, my beautiful nephew, and in an instant, the ugly monster that I once was will be buried under the stare of those big dark eyes of yours; under the peaceful smile that you have drawn onto your mother’s face.