“Welcome to the clinic, my name is Rebecca*. We are going to run a series of tests and a scan to make sure that all is well, and I will go through the different options regarding termination”
“I am confused, the lady on the phone said that you could help. The issue is, I haven’t made a decision yet”
“I am sorry for the confusion; we are not a counselling service but of course we can chat more, and we will have time to go through any questions that you might have”
This is my first transvaginal scan; the nurse is gentle and reassuring. I knew the moment would come; she asks if I prefer not to see the embryo. I reply that I’d rather not.
“All looks normal and healthy, in the right place”
Normal and healthy. It’s never been so real. I am desperate to turn the monitor and see it. I am crying as I realise that this is real; it is real and it is right here. She can see it and I cannot. I never will.
We talk more. I’m grateful for the time she takes to listen to my doubts, fear and confusion. Nobody can decide for you. I have time on my side, so I don’t have to decide now. We go through the options. Termination by aspiration. Minor procedure.
Because of the waiting time we agree to pre-book so that the option is available for me. Remember that you can cancel anytime, even on the day. You are in control every step of the way; the decision is yours only.
*All names have been changed